Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I am weak;
O Lord, heal me, for my bones are troubled. My soul also is greatly troubled;
But You, O Lord—how long?
Psalm 6:2–3 NKJV
I fought through constant pain, waiting for something to change. If the pain doesn’t wear you down, the waiting will. I longed for normal again.
None of that mattered as much as being able to walk Iva again. I can’t describe the relationship between a guide dog and handler, but as much as my body ached with pain, my heart ached for Iva. She stayed with me on my bed. When I screamed, she rushed to lick my face.
Would the epidural make a difference? I feared having a needle in my back, but I was desperate. I couldn’t have surgery without first having the two epidurals.
Once again, I lay down in the back seat to travel the hour-long drive to the spine center. The needle didn’t cause the pain, but when the medicine reached my inflamed leg, I screamed like crazy. It felt worse than my nerve shocks because it was unceasing.
“I can’t take any more!”
They stopped short of injecting all the medicine, because I couldn’t bear the pain. The doctor said, “Your pain tells us we hit the right spot.”
“I’m sorry, but I couldn’t handle it any longer.”
I felt the difference in my pain level the next morning, as I could move easier. I could even sit some. I had one more injection just before Christmas, but it didn’t help me enough to rule out surgery. The injections improved my mobility about seventy-five percent, but I still needed surgery after the new year. Then this could all be over, or at least that’s what I thought.
I delighted in my new mobility, and I attended church for the first time in three months. It was the Christmas service. Sitting and standing still created pain, but I made it through the entire service.
David suffered with pain as he cried out to God. He begged God not to rebuke him in His anger (Psalm 6:1). Perhaps his trial was some form of chastisement, but that’s not always the reason for suffering.
While David suffered physically, his soul was troubled. Physical pain and illness affect every part of our lives, including our mental, emotional, and even our spiritual health.
I’m sure you have asked, “How long?” When pain drags on, we wonder if God will ever heal us. We wonder how long it will take Him to give us relief. It never crosses our minds to ask God what He wants us to gain from this trial, while we groan in agony, like David (Psalm 6:6).
David soaked his bed with tears. Does that sound familiar? We don’t know how long it took God to heal David, but in verse nine, we read that the Lord has heard his prayer. It seems as if his troubles have been resolved.
We don’t see David giving up, and neither can we. Many times, I felt praying was a useless repetition. I never turned away from God, but I grew weary in praying. After my surgery, life became so dark that I uttered words without much thought, but I never gave up, although I came really close.
God has a purpose for our suffering, and reasons for every sleepless night and every tear we cry. We cannot understand His ways, nor His timing. This is when trusting God gets hard, but don’t give up.
God hears your prayers. He sees your tears. Jesus lived as a man on this earth, and He suffered more pain than we know when He gave up His life for ours. Life is filled with pain, and the Christian life is no different.
Pain puts us in a situation where we cry out to God. It helps us become more like Christ. God works on us in our suffering.
Once the trial ends, our faith has been refined through the fire. Believe your Heavenly Father is listening to your cries. Don’t give up. David wrote in verse 9 (NKJV), “The Lord has heard my supplication; The Lord will receive my prayer.”
Heavenly Father, I cry out for healing once again. I agonize in my body and my soul. Thank You for hearing, and have mercy on me. In Jesus’s name. Amen.
This devotion comes from my book, Embers of Endurance: Rising Above Chronic Pain and Illness.